how to save your love affair like kelly and billy

Posted: 16th May, 2008

Are we programmed to get bored with a long-term partner?

We must never get too cosy with each other or allow our boundaries to become too melded.

We long for the thrills of the beginning of the relationship.

We yearn for the time when our partners were mad for us.

Sometimes we want it so much that we move onto another relationship to get the kicks.

One woman interviewed by writer Brigid McConville in her book The Secret Life says: ‘We have been together for so long, when I look at him not just as my ageing bloke but as the man who made love to me on the beach in Greece, on the train across Europe, and tied to the bedposts in a hotel in Spain.’

In a nutshell: don’t get boring and don’t get bored.

Ask yourself some hard questions. If you love your partner but are no longer excited by them, reverse it.

How exciting are you? How passionate are you? Would you fancy yourself? Do you feel alive?

What projects do you have on the backburner for the future that excite you?

If you’re drawing a blank here, it’s time to get back your passion for life. There’s absolutely no way you’ll get it back for your partner without it.

And be warned, moving onto another partner in the hope of regaining your passion for life will work in the short term, but never in the long term.

This isn’t always the complete answer to the ‘love but no lust’ dilemma, but it’s the first crucial step.

* Taken from Re-energise Your Sex Life by Elizabeth Wilson, published by Infinite Ideas. To purchase the book click here and quote TDG05 to save 5 per cent off the cover price.