APRIL 18th: THE APPRENTICE WEEK FOUR
Updated: 09:23, Monday April 21, 2008
Week 4 of The Apprentice and the watching-through-your-fingers action just keeps
getting better.
In some kind of strange Bill Oddie meets Jodie Marsh quest, our egotistically-inflated hopefuls were kitted out with camera-equipment and sent off to photograph mahogany-skinned Britneys and Donnas in their natural habitat - Bluewater.
A showcase of the teams' individual technological wizardry ensued. Lucinda stared at the all-important computer as if she had just been presented with a faulty nuclear reactor and a spanner. "I'm not very good at techy things" she lisped. Or folding laundry. Or selling fish, it seems. But, man, can she wear a beret.
Keen to release the David Bailey within, Simon took control of photography. Adorning a customer with a purple bed sheet and QVC's finest diamonique jewellery, he advised her to "Let the camera create the illusion that you're wearing something regal and nice". No, Simon, the only thing that would "create the illusion" that the poor woman hadn't got dressed in the dark using garments from a fancy-dress box labelled "Queen Mother" would be a generous dose of hallucinogenic substances coupled with a spoonful of cooking oil in each eye.
Then there's Raef. With all the manual dexterity of a tortoise wearing boxing gloves, he stuck a portrait picture of a family on a mug, upside down. Still, be fair, he's clearly not familiar with the beverage vessels of a commoner; Raef is surely more accustomed to sipping angels' tears from a golden goblet, served to him by peasants.
As always, the unintentional star of the show was S'rallun's trusty sidekick, Nick. As a wonderfully talented young lookalike strutted around in front of team Alpha wearing a red PVC outfit and imitating what sounded like Bart Simpson, Nick sat stoically in the corner doing his own impression of a man sucking a lemon.
So it's goodbye to salt-of-the-earth Simon and hello to pitbull Claire as one of next week's team leaders....bring on the cringing....
Ta-ta.
PS - what in the name of Marks and Spencer was Raef wearing at the very end of the show? The pink jumper, white trousers and stripey shirt combo looked as though he'd modelled for one of Simon's photoshoots....
In some kind of strange Bill Oddie meets Jodie Marsh quest, our egotistically-inflated hopefuls were kitted out with camera-equipment and sent off to photograph mahogany-skinned Britneys and Donnas in their natural habitat - Bluewater.
A showcase of the teams' individual technological wizardry ensued. Lucinda stared at the all-important computer as if she had just been presented with a faulty nuclear reactor and a spanner. "I'm not very good at techy things" she lisped. Or folding laundry. Or selling fish, it seems. But, man, can she wear a beret.
Keen to release the David Bailey within, Simon took control of photography. Adorning a customer with a purple bed sheet and QVC's finest diamonique jewellery, he advised her to "Let the camera create the illusion that you're wearing something regal and nice". No, Simon, the only thing that would "create the illusion" that the poor woman hadn't got dressed in the dark using garments from a fancy-dress box labelled "Queen Mother" would be a generous dose of hallucinogenic substances coupled with a spoonful of cooking oil in each eye.
Then there's Raef. With all the manual dexterity of a tortoise wearing boxing gloves, he stuck a portrait picture of a family on a mug, upside down. Still, be fair, he's clearly not familiar with the beverage vessels of a commoner; Raef is surely more accustomed to sipping angels' tears from a golden goblet, served to him by peasants.
As always, the unintentional star of the show was S'rallun's trusty sidekick, Nick. As a wonderfully talented young lookalike strutted around in front of team Alpha wearing a red PVC outfit and imitating what sounded like Bart Simpson, Nick sat stoically in the corner doing his own impression of a man sucking a lemon.
So it's goodbye to salt-of-the-earth Simon and hello to pitbull Claire as one of next week's team leaders....bring on the cringing....
Ta-ta.
PS - what in the name of Marks and Spencer was Raef wearing at the very end of the show? The pink jumper, white trousers and stripey shirt combo looked as though he'd modelled for one of Simon's photoshoots....
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