MAY 6: BRITAIN'S GOT TALENT
Updated: 10:35, Wednesday May 7, 2008
Britain's Got Talent.
Not judging from this lot.
Puffing furiously on her harmonica and working her hula-hoop for all it's worth, sweet little Melissa Lucas disproved the theory that women are natural multi-taskers. But how did the girl become so deluded that she made it to the auditions for a talent show? Which permissive adult encouraged her to take part? Somewhere, there's a sadly misguided parent with a lot to answer for...we can only imagine the conversation that took place in that household...
"Mummy, mummy, watch this!"
"Good Lord! Howard! Howard! Come and see what our Melissa can do! Rhythmic athletic dexterity, harmonious harmonica-ism reminiscent of Stevie Wonder himself.....all that's missing is a fuschia-pink sequinned body-tube and a star is born! Put down your Boddingtons, darling, we're off to see Simon Cowell..."
Skip several generations to 72 year-old strong man, Leonard Bennett. An impressive display of geriatric beefcakeyness and no mistake but with phrases such as "two-finger pumping" springing to mind and Len's admission that he likes to "keep it up", it was hard to stay focussed...
A large slab of Wensleydale arrived in the form of Dean Wilson. Performing an excerpt of Miss Saigon, Dean delivered the cheesiest audition yet, even showcasing his own version of Westlife's key move by leaping off stage straight into a key change. Disappointingly, Scowell loved it.
Not to worry, those of us with what can only be described as pure hatred of all things musical-theatre related can rest assured that Dean is surely returning to social ridicule from the lads once he gets back to school....
Ta-ra.
Not judging from this lot.
Puffing furiously on her harmonica and working her hula-hoop for all it's worth, sweet little Melissa Lucas disproved the theory that women are natural multi-taskers. But how did the girl become so deluded that she made it to the auditions for a talent show? Which permissive adult encouraged her to take part? Somewhere, there's a sadly misguided parent with a lot to answer for...we can only imagine the conversation that took place in that household...
"Mummy, mummy, watch this!"
"Good Lord! Howard! Howard! Come and see what our Melissa can do! Rhythmic athletic dexterity, harmonious harmonica-ism reminiscent of Stevie Wonder himself.....all that's missing is a fuschia-pink sequinned body-tube and a star is born! Put down your Boddingtons, darling, we're off to see Simon Cowell..."
Skip several generations to 72 year-old strong man, Leonard Bennett. An impressive display of geriatric beefcakeyness and no mistake but with phrases such as "two-finger pumping" springing to mind and Len's admission that he likes to "keep it up", it was hard to stay focussed...
A large slab of Wensleydale arrived in the form of Dean Wilson. Performing an excerpt of Miss Saigon, Dean delivered the cheesiest audition yet, even showcasing his own version of Westlife's key move by leaping off stage straight into a key change. Disappointingly, Scowell loved it.
Not to worry, those of us with what can only be described as pure hatred of all things musical-theatre related can rest assured that Dean is surely returning to social ridicule from the lads once he gets back to school....
Ta-ra.
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Hubba Bubba said:
*****, *****, *****!
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